COMMENTS FROM DUBYA'S SCHOOL REPORTS

COMMENTS FROM DUBYA'S SCHOOL REPORTS
… attendance is poor, please can you make sure it stays that way?
… this pupil is producing his best work , … alas.
… serving doughnuts on another planet
... renewable energy source for hot air balloons.
… sloppy as a soup sandwich.
… watches “Beavis & Butthead” to learn vocabulary.
… slow as molasses in January.
… has a natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes.
… always in the right place, but at the wrong time.
… in his optimum environment he’d be locked in a life and death struggle with mushrooms.
… always loses battles of wits because he’s unarmed.
… swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool.
… it’s hard to believe he beat 100,000 other sperm.
… calling him a pea brain would be an undeserved compliment.
… needs another brain to make half wit.
… so dumb his dog teaches him tricks.
… needs both hands to wipe his behind.
… can’t count his balls and get the same answer twice.
… couldn’t count to 21 if he was barefoot and without his pants.
… cranio-rectally inverted
… still traumatised from the forest fire in Bambi.
… diarrhoea of the mouth, constipation of the ideas.
… enough sawdust between the ears to bed an elephant.
… goalie for the darts team.
… God might still use her for miracle practice.
… Teflon brain, nothing sticks.
… needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so they can be tied at the back.
… has the personality of a snail on valium.
… he’s so dense, light bends around him.
… lives in the same world, but a different universe.
… hasn’t finished evolving yet.
… knitting with only one needle.
… not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
… not the same since they took him off his medication.
… her mental function can be graphed with a single dot.
… one live brain cell away from being a talking monkey.
… puts a finger in one ear so the draft through his head isn’t annoying.
… only one oar in the water.
… her mind would be unstable even if mounted on a tripod.
… 1f God tried to help him, we’d have an 8 day week.
… on permanent leave of absence from his senses.
… plenty of salt in the shaker, but no holes in the cap.
… if he donated his brain to science, it’d set civilisation back 500 years.
… parked his head and forgot where he left it.
… only uses his head to keep his rain out of his neck.
… pedalling really fast, but not getting anywhere.
… if he were any more stupid he’d have to be watered twice a week.
… hypnotised as a child and couldn’t be woken.
… ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
… her sewing machine’s been out of thread for some time now.
… racing 50 yards with a pregnant woman, he’d come third.
… immune from any serious head injury.
… her ski lift doesn’t go up to the top of the hill.
… ready to join the anti-Mensa society.
… receiver is off the hook.
… understands English as well as any parrot.
… got a full 6 pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
… a gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
... has a photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on.
… a prime candidate for natural deselection.
… bright as Alaska in December.
… single cell organisms outscore him in I.Q. tests.
… fell out of the family tree.
… The gates are down, lights are flashing, but there is no train on the line.
… has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
… if brains were taxed, you’d get a rebate.
… if you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get five pence change.
… one neuron short of a synapse.
… some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
… takes him 1 ? hours to watch 60 minutes.